Family Crisis and Reframing Thoughts

    As much as we would like to avoid tragedy and hardship in life and the family it is often just bound to happen. Loved ones pass away, whole family's fall apart, people can get seriously sick, and so many other tragedies could occur. Maybe one of these tragedies has already struck your own family. I would like to talk about a coping skill that can help with dealing with hardship. It won't make everything better but maybe it will help you deal with the situation better and with a clearer head. Reframing is when you reframe your thoughts to view a situation in a different perspective. In crisis or any situation with extreme emotions people tend to blow the situation out of proportion and over think the entire situation. For example, if you were in a car crash and someone close to you passed away you would probably feel extremely guilty. You could think that it was somehow your fault or that there is something else you could have done. These thoughts and feelings are extremely hard to go through and I sympathize with anyone who is or was feeling this way, it is not easy at all. This is where reframing your thoughts comes in. You should take a look at the situation from a different perspective and get rid of distortions that your mind has created.

    Examples of distortion would be all-or-nothing thinking, self-blame, and emotional reasoning. These are just some of the distortions your mind could have created. All-or-nothing thinking is viewing something in black and white. There are always way more factors to a situation than just one way or the other. Self-blame is a huge and common distortion in crisis. Thinking that it was all your fault is extremely detrimental to the situation and to yourself. It can lead to depression, anger, sadness, and taking it all out on yourself. Going back to the car situation, there was no way to know or guess what would have happened when you and others got in that car. There is no way to tell what would have happened if one thing had been different. Maybe things would have been worse. Don't blame yourself for a situation that you could not control. This is important to realize so you can begin healing instead of constantly blaming yourself. Emotional reasoning is another example of distortion in a situation. This is taking what you feel like and translating it to reality in a negative way. If you feel bad or dumb for something then you say to yourself, then I really must be a bad and dumb person. This is not true! These negative feelings don't translate directly to who we are as people.

    This brings us back to the importance of reframing. Taking a step back to look at situations differently is important so you can avoid unnecessary self hate, sadness, or anger. It can help speed up the healing and grieving process. That being said, it is completely okay to be sad and grieve. However, distortions can blow it out of proportion in your own mind and affect you more than it should. So next time you are going through a crisis in the family, or any sort of crisis, take a step back from the situation. Reframe your thoughts and let yourself look at the situation realistically. After looking at situations in different ways, obstacles and hardships can become a learning and growing experience. It can bring people together if you let it rather than pull them apart. Don't blame yourself and reach out to others for help. Another voice of reason can help you reframe your own thoughts. No matter what we will experience hardships within the family. Let something positive come from it or it will be so much more difficult for you and everyone around you.