Culture in the Family

    Culture is beliefs, values, and traditions. These are often passed down through the generations. Your family can pass down things that become part of your family's culture. Maybe your family always has dinner together at a certain time. This family has a different culture than maybe one who is busier or prioritizes other things. Often your own family's culture comes from how you grew up from modeling your parents and learning the things they teach. Or, maybe you learned from your parents the type of culture that you don't want to have in your own home with your family. No matter what, everyone is impacted in some way by the way they were raised.

    Think about your own family. What things are the same from how you were raised? What things are you doing differently and why? All of this contributes to your family and its culture. It is important to be intentional about your family's culture. Oftentimes people just run with things from what they've been taught or told their whole life. In some cases these can be positive and healthy things. However, when these things are bad or unhealthy it is especially important to be intentional about your family culture so it benefits everyone in your family.

    The family unit you were raised in also has an affect on your family culture now. Maybe you were raised without a dad, or without a mom. Maybe your parents were always gone working or not there for you. Maybe you were raised by your grandparents or another person in your life. Think how these situations specific to you affect how you are raising your own children or how you will raise them. Thinking about your own ideal family situation can help you be more intentional about your own family's culture.

    Another important idea about family is looking at boundaries within your family. There are three main different types of family boundaries, rigid, poor or diffused, and clear boundaries. Rigid boundaries are not good for the family because it affects the communication between the family. It often involves talking with family members about another person. This drives a ridge in the relationship of the people you talk about behind their back. This makes you put up walls and the people around you put up walls. A poor or diffused family boundary isn't ideal for a healthy family unit either. A diffuse family boundary is the opposite of a rigid boundary. It is when family members depend on each other so much that one's mood affects everyone else whether it is the parent or child. There is not enough independence or definition between the parent and the child which is a crucial boundary to have. Of course the boundary between parent and child should not be a rigid one but there is a difference in the relationship between spouse and child. For example, parents don't usually talk about important adult problems or topics in front of their children. This brings us to the last boundary, clear boundaries. In this one no firm walls are up and the family can communicate and bond with each other. However, there are clear boundaries between the parents and the children. While the parents should be invested in the children there are also things that only parents should handle. Think about what your own family's boundaries are and maybe how you want to change it to make it a healthier relationship.

    So how do you make clear boundaries? One key piece is communication with each other. Instead of complaining about someone behind their back, talk to them! Share your emotions rather than judgments and opinions. Let them know how you are feeling. This will build more trust rather than a ridge between you. It is also important to communicate with your spouse. Talking with them and being a united front will be more beneficial for the children and create healthy boundaries. You and your partner are a team and teams work a lot better together when they are on the same page.