Family as a System

     Every person in a family has a role to play. Roles may be different depending on one's family situation, they can be defined by circumstances that the family is in and opportunities a family has. Common roles are provider and nurturer, commonly the mother and father. In some circumstances both are primarily providers and nurturers. Other times just one parent either the mother or the father works while the other stays home and helps take care of the family. Another role one might play is a peacemaker. Someone who helps calm or get rid of conflict in the home. Being an upbeat energetic person contributes to the family. Maybe you were the person that thought about the technical or financial side of things and helped your family look at things realistically. The smart one, the jokester, a communicator, and the rule follower are all examples of roles in the family. Of course every individual is not subject to just one role but often there is a main one.

    Take a minute and think about what your role is in your family and how it contributes to your family as a whole system. This could be when you were a child or now as a parent or even a grandparent. Maybe your role made you feel special or you felt like you had too much pressure in your role. Roles also evolve over time especially as the family changes. For example when an older sibling leaves the house or if a younger sibling was born how did the roles change? How did they change as time continued on? Next think about how the role or roles you played helped shape you as a person. Without these experiences and responsibilities as a child you would probably be a completely different person today. Roles help build character and develop a good work ethic and even determination.

    A family system helps everyone in the family. The role you played probably took a burden or helped relieve another family member. Just how their roles can take pressure off of you. It is a lot more difficult in a family situation when one person is trying to take on all the roles. That is one of the reasons that a healthy family unit is so important. Especially for children growing up in these healthy homes so that when they get older and have a family of their own it can also become a healthy family that functions as a system. In your own life (if you have your own children) you can look back on your childhood and compare how your family now relates to your family now. Are the roles the same? Is one person taking on all the responsibilities? What are everyone's roles? Thinking about this can help address problems within the home. Maybe you want a healthier home life for yourself, spouse, and children (or whoever is in your home) than what you experienced as a child. 

    Another important part of a healthy family system is a healthy relationship between the parents. Of course no one is perfect and every relation ship has their problems and hiccups but good communication and affection between parents is crucial, not only for them but for the children as well. If the parents are getting along it takes less pressure off of the kids so they don't feel that responsibility and burden as a young child to fix or help the family all the time. Good communication between the parents is key to a healthy family system and not one that burdens one or two specific people. Think about how each role affects everyone else in the family. Maybe after thinking about it you realize some things need to change or be improved. A healthy family system is important for every member of the family.